


Insomnia (FebuWhump 06)

by SylvanFreckles



Series: Freckles' FebuWhump 2021 [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Day 06, FebuWhump2021, Gen, Insomnia, no happy ending, set between seasons 13 and 14
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:47:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29300619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SylvanFreckles/pseuds/SylvanFreckles
Summary: Michael disappeared, taking Dean with him, and Sam is desperate to find his brother. There’s a fine line between desperation and obsession, however, and that line is being blurred more and more.
Relationships: Mary Winchester & Sam Winchester
Series: Freckles' FebuWhump 2021 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2139234
Kudos: 2
Collections: febuwhump 2021





	Insomnia (FebuWhump 06)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little dark and hopeless, I kind of channeled some negative feelings into this. So if you’re feeling a little sensitive or downtrodden right now you might want to give this a skip.

It's always there. Constantly there, at the back of his mind, no matter what he does or where he goes.

Check the phones. Check the emails. Check Rowena's summoning circles and scrying mirrors.

Check...check...check...

They're getting news of monsters now, but no news of Michael. Of Dean. So he sends out the teams with their cameras and their check-in systems and he knows every one of their names and exactly how long they've been out of the bunker.

Charlie finds a skinwalker on her roadtrip. Jules makes contact with a witch who's been perfecting a spell to banish ghosts. Bobby just watches him with a crease in his brow on a face that's so similar and yet so different, and Sam takes it as long as he can until the memories wash back over him and he sees his brother's face around every corner.

Check...check...check...

Castiel is almost never home, chasing down every possible lead to the ends of the earth. Jack retreats into himself, bearing a weight far too heavy for his young shoulders. Mom tries to pull him away from the hunt for a few hours, but her voice bleeds into static as he pushes her hands away.

Check...check...check...

“Have you eaten anything today?”

The phones...

“I brought you a clean shirt?”

The email...

“Bobby found some old movies, you should take a break and watch one with us.”

The summoning circles...

“When was the last time you slept?”

The scrying mirrors...

“Sam!”

He blinked, suddenly pulled out of the spiraling fog of his thoughts, and realized he'd been staring off into space long enough for the coffee in his hand to go cold. “Sorry, Mom.”

Mary folded her arms and stared up at him, worry pinching her features. “You need to get some rest, Sam.”

Sam ran a hand through his hair and tried to set his mug down...luckily Mary rescued it before it fell off the edge of the kitchen counter. “I'm fine.”

“You're exhausted,” she countered. “I'm worried about him too, but you're killing yourself trying to find him.”

He nearly bit his tongue swallowing down the harsh reply. She wasn't worried, not like he was. She couldn't be. She was the woman who hid the supernatural from her family so they were unprepared for the monsters that struck...not the man who'd given up everything so his little brother would have something resembling a normal life.

Dean had never lied. Dean had never hidden the truth about the world around them. Dean had...

“Sam!”

He stumbled back when her hand made contact with his face. “What the hell, Mom?” Even as the words left his mouth he regretted them—they sounded whiny and petulant, like he was a child.

_Dean was never a child_ .

“You need to get some rest,” Mary said. She took him by the arm, tried to pull him after her. “Sam. Dean wouldn't want this.”

Sam yanked his hand free and turned away, both hands raking through his hair in agitation. “You don't know what Dean would want.” His voice was low and shaky, almost unrecognizable. “You don't get to decide what Dean wants.”

Mary was more gentle this time. Standing in front of him but not touching him, hand held up as though waiting for him to make the first move. “Dean's not the only one who needs you,” she said. “Please, Sam. You have a responsibility to these people to take care of yourself.”

He tried to smile, but it twisted across his face like a grimace. He turned away from Mary again and pulled his phone out. It had been almost an hour since he'd checked for a call...and he needed to check his email...and the summoning circles and scrying mirrors....

“No.” Mary was in front of him again, her mouth set in a firm line. “There are plenty of hunters here who can keep looking for Dean. We need you to get some sleep.”

“Would you...stop?” Sam spluttered. “I can't...I can't do this right now, Mom. I have to check on things.”

“You already set up a schedule for everyone to help look for Dean,” Mary countered. “We'll know the moment anyone sees anything.”

He shook his head, but she was relentless. No matter how he tried to move around her she was in front of him again. “This is killing you, Sam. Do you really think Dean would want this?”

Sam dug his fingers into his hair and turned away again, mind on fire with the need to check everything again...just once more...maybe there'd be something this time. “This is just...this is something I need to do, okay? I don't...I can't think about that now, I just need to focus!”

“Sam...”

“No, no. I know...” he tried to smile, but his face twisted and, to his shame, there were tears in his eyes. “I know you're trying to help,” Sam continued, fighting to keep his voice calm and controlled, “but it has to be me that finds him. He's found me every...every time. I need to find him this time.”

Mary shook her head, taking a step forward. “Please, Sam...”

He pulled back, phone in hand again. “I have to...have to go. I have to check.”

Check...check...check...

The phones...the email...the summoning circles and scrying mirrors...

Check...

Check...

Check....

**Author's Note:**

> Remember, they do find Dean in the show. I just wanted to express some of the hopelessness we didn’t see.


End file.
